Consideration #5: Are there friend groups that warrant your sensitivity?

Ah, PC. Sigh.  As sad as it is that we have to think about being politically correct with our own bridal parties, we do to an extent.  We are dealing with people we dearly love and so we want to be sensitive to their feelings.

For example, if you have been in a close-knit small group with four other girls and you ask three of them to be in your bridal party but not the other one, you will most likely cause tension in your relationship with her.

Ironically, I actually did this.  The circumstances were not as rigid as they sound because we had other girls come in and out of the Bible study.  At the particular time of choosing my bridal party, however, there were only five of us.

I was very sensitive to the fourth girl’s feelings and would not have excluded her if I were not confident that she and I mutually felt a distinct difference in relational depth than from the other girls.  Also, our group was disbanding right around the same time, so I knew that no one would be talking about it in front of her.

This can really be a touchy subject though, so it’s something to let the Lord guide you in.  In a normal scenario of a continually-meeting, tight-knit group of four other women, I would say you are safe to ask one or all four, or perhaps even two.  Avoid leaving one girl out unless you are confident that the outcome will be okay.

The same goes for including siblings.  Avoid leaving out siblings if doing so would result in their feeling isolated.  Sometimes the genders, ages, or geographical proximity make the selection pretty clear-cut and non-problematic, but your family (blood or in-law) is your family forever.  Avoiding unnecessary rifts will help to keep your wedding day and your relationships calm.

If the Lord is guiding you to be selective within your siblings or friend groups in a way that might seem problematic to others, be proactive in having a conversation with them about how you value them as a friend but they are not a fit within your bridal party’s role.  If you are forthright and gentle in your communication, most people will understand, even if they are sad, and will do their part to let their sadness go.

It’s a tender balance: on the one hand, choosing people intentionally, and on the other hand, being flexible enough to avoid insensitivities in your selection.  Another way to look at it is to be loving without being pushed over.  This is why prayer with our discerning Lord is so important.  He will guide you through the intricacies of your selection process.

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Article originally published on January 21, 2011.