Reason 3: A Common Foundation for Children

Where do we learn about Jesus if not from our families?  What happens if what we learn independently about Jesus contradicts what we have learned from our families?  Or what if the contradiction is within the family?

I’ve seen families in which one parent is a fervent Christian and the other is apathetic at best and hostile at worst.  This can create a confusing dichotomy for children who want to please their parents or who are trying to figure out what is right and what is good.  

Mommy says Jesus is good, and Jesus says love is good, but Daddy says Jesus isn’t real and shouldn’t be talked about in the home.  So what does that say about love?  What does that say about Mommy and Daddy?

Thankfully God can use and redeem anything and anyone, but how we live as parents will matter to our children.  Now, before you tune out thinking you aren’t even married yet, so you don’t have room in your head to think about kids, pause with me for a second and remember that your fiancé will also likely be the father of your children—adopted or biological.  It is good to consider what kind of father he will be.  Together you will be the creators of, providers for, and teachers to your children.

What you teach your children matters deeply to their faith.  Proverbs offers a likely model that no matter how much children may wander from their faith throughout their lives, those who are rooted in the truth of Christ from the beginning will often fall back on the truth of Christ in the end.[i]  Shared Christian values from both parents will help to root children in Christ from the beginning.

God talks about this to the Israelites:

You shall put these words of mine in your heart and soul, and you shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and fix them as an emblem on your forehead.  Teach them to your children, talking about them when you are at home and when you are away, when you lie down and when you rise.  Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates, so that your days and the days of your children may be multiplied in the land that the Lord swore to your ancestors to give them, as long as the heavens are above the earth. (Deuteronomy 11:18-21)

God is addressing the power that parents have in inculcating truth into their children.  The truth needs to be taught to children, not left open for them to hopefully stumble upon.

Issues such as how to discipline, how to communicate, and what values to instill in your children will have a direct influence on the character of your child.  God can redeem anyone from any type of family, but if you are looking for a roadmap for how to be godly parents and how to teach your children their identities in Christ, that will include you and your husband’s reinforcing the same core values of Christ, communicating in a way that unifies you as a parental team, and disciplining in a way that is rooted deeply in love. 

I heard from Anne Ortlund, a fabulous author, speaker, and teacher, that she and her late husband Ray raised their children knowing that God was their children’s real parent.  She and Ray were just filling in until their children were old enough to know their true Father. 

Raising children is not just a physical vocation, but it is also a spiritual one.  The legacy we leave will likely be intertwined with the children we raise.  God shows us a unique blending of both blessings and curses that pass through generations in the Old Testament.  What you do spiritually now does influence what your children will do spiritually later.  

Have you talked with your fiancé about how his parents communicated with him?  Did they teach him about Christ?  How was he disciplined?  How were you?  Your own upbringings will shape much of how you choose to bring up your own children. 

We need more godly teams of parents in our society today.  You can be parents who love Jesus and who love your kids no matter how full of it they might be. 

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