The Sweet Christian Bride

10 Reasons for the Christian Bride To Marry a Christian Man: Reason 8

by admin on July 5, 2012 in Spouse with No Comments

Reason 8: Moving Towards Oneness (Fixing Your Eyes on Jesus)

Do you ever find that when your friends start saying certain phrases or slang you start doing it to?  My friends and I would always abbreviate everything. “Totes” (for totally), “Late” (for see you later), and so forth.  But Chris is not a fan of abbreviations, so I dropped them when I started dating him.

He and his friends do this silly thing whenever they have a word with a long “A” vowel where they take the pitch up on the “A” sound and draw it out.  So, ladies would be “laAAadies” and so forth.  I thought it was so lame, but then of course I started doing it because I was hanging around Chris so much.

Now that Chris has become my best friend, we’ve actually developed a schtick.  He says something and I repeat it in a funny voice.  Totally lame, but we crack ourselves up every time, and at this point, it reflects the silly dynamic that so often characterizes our closeness.

In the words of R.O. Smith, the youth pastor at Bel Air Presbyterian Church (BAPC), “Your identity is found in your community.”  When Chris and I volunteered for the junior high ministries at BAPC, we heard that a lot.  Every week all the volunteers would infuse our precious junior highers with the awareness of what voices they were allowing to speak into their lives and influence them.  You are whom you hang out with.

Marriage is no different.  Chris and I were polar opposites in everything except for our Christian values and our vision for our future.  But he is obsessed with sports; I can’t name even two players on the current Dodgers team.  He thinks in specifics, I think in the abstract.  He remembers numbers and details; I remember feelings and general pictures.  He is a math man, I am a word girl.  He is an indoors man, I’m an outdoors girl.  He is a night owl, I am a morning bird.  The list goes on and on…

But we have found so much middle ground in everything about us.  We both like the same TV shows now, we have found seven meals that we actually both like, we have both gotten on the same sleep schedule, etc.  Those are just trivial examples, but there are also deep habits and traits that God has allowed us to connect on.

Since I am deeply emotional and Chris is extremely logical, God has used my empathy to help Chris through situations of personal conflict, and God has used Chris’ reason to help me create a plan of action when I’m so overwhelmed that I am paralyzed. 

Because I am highly spiritually disciplined and Chris is great at receiving grace, God has used my daily disciplines as examples for Chris’ spiritual growth, and God has used Chris’ deep understanding of grace to help me release my self-chastisement when my disciplines border too closely on legalism.

And one last example, though there are countless, is that I am overly productive and Chris is complacent to the point where we both have had to recognize idols in our work or lack of work.  God has used my work ethic to spur Chris into better working habits, and on Sundays when we take a Sabbath, God has used Chris to help me let go of my to-do list and just rest.

The direction of marriage is toward oneness, so in any healthy marriage, you will become more like your spouse.  Or Biblically speaking, you become your spouse as you grow into the partnership of being “one flesh.”  It’s not that we ever lose the uniqueness of our individual selves, but that God uses our partner to refine us in ways that no one else can.  As we live another day as our spouses’ partners, our spouses become ingrained in who we are and vice-versa.  It’s stunning and beautiful!

There’s a simple picture of an isosceles triangle that so accurately depicts the idea of oneness in Christian marriage.  As Christians we are constantly seeking to become more like Christ, right?  So put Christ at the top point of the triangle.  You are at one of the bottom points and your fiancé is at the other.  As you each become more like Christ and move closer to that top point on the triangle, the distance between you and your fiancé also becomes less.  The closer to come to Christ, the closer you will also come to each other.  But you will notice that this only works if both people are moving towards Christ.

You look more like each other because you are striving toward the same goal, the same vision for your future.  Hebrews 12:1-3—a phenomenal life-verse if you have never before considered choosing a life-verse—says:

Therefore, since we are surrounded, by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles.  Let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.  Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.  Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men so that you would not grow weary and lose heart.

We keep running the race that God set out for us in our marriages by fixing our eyes on Jesus. 

What are you fixing your eyes on?  Your wedding date?  Your upcoming marriage?  Your career?  When you fix your eyes on Jesus and run towards Him, you will be running up the side of the triangle.  If your fiancé is also running up his side of the triangle because his eyes are fixed on Jesus, then you will be able to live as one flesh as God intended for marriage (Genesis 2:24).

By Lindsay

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