The Sweet Christian Bride

A “Preferred” Day in the Life

by admin on May 31, 2012 in Relationship with 2 Comments

I just came home from a mission trip with 9 other women.  Before we even boarded our planes, our leader told us that on this trip we are to prefer each other.  In doing so, we would work together for good.

Prefer each other.

I had never heard that phrase before, but it stuck with me.  Preferring means to desire something more than something else.  What if married couples preferred each other every day, desiring the other’s good will more than their own?  What would that look like?

Beep.  Beep.  Beep.

I slam the snooze button.  As I lie there half awake, a thought manages to arrest my waning attention: “Chris doesn’t have to get up for another half hour.”  I somehow stumble out of bed and turn the alarm clock fully off so my snooze button won’t disturb his extra 30 minutes.

Mid-breakfast, 30 minutes is up.  Rather than wait until I’m finished eating, I leave my plate to rouse my husband from sleep.  Waking up to a person is so much more desirable than jolting awake to the rude beep of an alarm.  I’m glad he got a little extra sleep this morning.

Back to my breakfast and Bible. I am finishing up my “me” time as Chris comes in to say, “I love you.”  So sweet, but it is right in the middle of my prayer time, so I feel interrupted.  Then I realize that this is not just sweet; this is profound.  A husband who daily finds his wife to tell her he loves her is a gift, and I desire to affirm him in that.  I break from my prayers and kiss him and tell him I love him too.

As he leaves for work and I am sitting at my computer writing, I have an echo of the same interruption and the same realization.  So I stop writing and join him at the door.  I’ve read that a proper send-off and welcome home can change a man’s day for the better, and I want his day to be awesome.  I want him to know that while we are away from each other, he can trust that I am for him and am eager to rejoin him in the evening.  So I tell him that, and we pray.  With a hug and a kiss, he is out the door.  A worthy “interruption” from my writing to-do’s.

Eventually, I wind up at the office where it’s easy to feel like there is no opportunity to prefer Chris.  At work we are totally separated and focused on other things.  But I constantly see his name on my gchat.  Or something funny will make me wish he were here to laugh with me.  Or a patient will ask me about him.  Or an elderly couple, still married, will come into the office and amaze me at their kindness towards each other (conversely, other couples will continuously gripe at each other) and cause me to look forward fifty or sixty years in my marriage, God willing.

Even in the moments when I don’t directly think of Chris, I can always prefer him by reflecting goodness, purity, and respect in my words and actions.  What I do casts a light on who he is, and I want that to be a golden light.

And as I’m storing up experiences from the day to share with him later that evening, I make a note to leave behind the crummy ones so my heart won’t get caught up in complaining to him about my work day.

Chris likes when I call him on the way home so we can coordinate our evening schedules and check-in.  My voice is tired by the end of the day, so I often try to get away with not calling, but today, I am preferring him.  I want to honor his desires and put in effort at planning our evening together.  We talk about dinner and about what needs to be done that night.  We talk about the fun or the rest we are hoping for after the to-do’s are all done.

Dinner is nearly ready when he gets home.  I greet him with a hug, a kiss, and an “I love you,” and then I give him space to change and settle in.  Over dinner we talk about our days and we both thank each other for working. I take the opportunity to tell him a couple more things about him that I am thankful for because he’s a words of affirmations guy.  If he needs something, I get up to retrieve it for him, so he can remain relaxed.

Then we snuggle in and enjoy each other’s company before waking up to another day of preferring each other.


Sounds sweet, right?  Not every day is like this because I’m selfish.  And to be honest, the above depiction is not revolutionary or terribly bold.  It’s kind of normal, just sweeter.  In fact, it surprises me how small the difference is between a day of preferring myself and that of preferring my husband.  Most of the actions and routines don’t change.  It’s my attitude that changes.

What would your day of preferring your fiancé look like in comparison to a normal day?

How encouraging is it to know that a small choice to shift our attitudes can result in a large-scale demonstration of preferring our beloveds?  So easy, and so within our ability to effect change.

How can you prefer your fiancé today?  What stage of your wedding planning are you in?  Are there attitude changes (or procedural changes) you can make to show him that you desire his well being more than you desire yours?


By Lindsay
  • Trackbacks

  • Trackback from It's The Bride In Me – A “Preferred” Day in the Life | The Sweet Christian Bride
    Thursday, 31 May, 2012

    […] desiring the other's good will more than their own? What would that look like? Beep Read more: A “Preferred” Day in the Life | The Sweet Christian Bride Why Do I Need a Wedding Video? « Larry James …The Wedding Romance Report Tags: […]

  • Trackback from The Honeymoon Lull | The Sweet Christian Bride
    Thursday, 25 October, 2012

    […] be a little rough with butting heads or clashing priorities.  This is a perfect opportunity to prefer your spouse, and let your own will take second.  Again, over time, you will figure out how your differences in […]

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