The Sweet Christian Bride

Philippians 4:8 in Marriage: Pure

by admin on August 23, 2012 in Faith, Purity, Purpose, Relationship, Spouse with No Comments

If you missed out on the intro to the Philippians 4:8 series, check it out here.

“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is PURE, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things” (Philippians 4:8).


In a Christian relationship, the word purity immediately evokes a sexual connotation.  Sex is such a grand experience, such a miraculous union, which God created for the covenant of marriage.  It is worthy of elevating, yet so many of us have brought sex and matters of sex down to our own definitions as we struggled along the way in our faith.  The result, unfortunately, is sexual brokenness that shows up in marriage.

Some of us had sex forced upon us.  Others sought it willingly.  Some of us pretended that sexual behavior (as long as it wasn’t sex itself) was still pure.  Others developed a fear and loathing of sex in all its forms.  Some of us formed identities that were established by our sexuality.  Others nurtured a secret sexual sin that would destroy their identities if they were known.

Regardless of where you are on the spectrum, you will enter into marriage with some sort of brokenness—sexual or other—that will find its way into the bedroom.  (Struggling with body image or self-worth are two common areas of non-sexual brokenness that can stand in the way of pure sex.)

But here is the good news: You are made clean.

Our brokenness is real in the sense that we are engaging with its consequences.  But it is not real in the sense that our identities are totally unaffected by what we have or have not done when we have given our lives to Christ (Romans 3:23-26).  His righteousness is what the Father sees when He looks at us (Colossians 1:22).

God heals.  God walks with us in our shame, in our sin, in our fury.  There is nowhere we can go to escape Him (Psalm 139:7-12) and nothing we can do or have done to us that can separate us from His love in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:35-39).  You are made pure by the blood of the Lamb (Hebrews 9:22, 10:10)!

Have faith and press onward with your spouse that God will redeem and restore your marriage bed to bring pure sex into your relationship.  It will wildly outscore any concept you’ve known of how good sex can be.  Be patient for corporate healing to happen; this doesn’t come overnight.

In the meantime, work on your own individual healing.  Your marriage team is only as whole as each person is.  Put away your past sin; do not dwell on it in efforts of penance (Hebrews 10:17-18).  God has already paid the penalty.  Seek prayer, counsel, Scripture, and forgiveness for your sexual brokenness.

And put aside practices that will set you up for sin in the future.  Set boundaries for your eyes, your thoughts, your time, your heart, and your relationships.   Initiate conversations with your spouse about his sexual desires, and be available for him to initiate conversations with you of his sexual brokenness so together you can shine a light on shame as well as rebuild trust.

Your marriage has already been declared pure by Christ’s blood shed for you; in time and with faith, you will see the fruit of His redemption in your marriage bed.  If you are engaged, hope for this, pray for this, and prepare for this by beginning the healing/repentance journey now and by actively setting boundaries and guarding yourself against sexual temptation.  Find people who can help you do this.  Sex in marriage will be all the richer for it.

God 4: Enemy 0.

Protect your marriage from attack by thinking on what is pure.  If you don’t know what that is, think on Christ and that will calibrate your thoughts.

By Lindsay

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