The Sweet Christian Bride

Praying for Purity

by admin on July 15, 2011 in Purity with 59 Comments

We all have a picture in mind for what our lives will look like in the future: for what our marriage will be like, for where we will live, for what our vocations will be. We set goals and then work them out so that we can be better people, better wives, better friends, better workers.

When it comes to sex in marriage, that picture of what brides hope for is probably along the lines of passionate, frequent, verdant, uninhibited sexual intimacy that is free from baggage and that is exactly as God designed it.

God wants that perfect sexual relationship between wives and husbands too, but because He doesn’t force His will on us, He leaves much of the preparation and navigation towards this goal in our hands.

Because you will be making choices along the way that will lead either towards purity (meaning faithful celibacy prior to marriage and God-designed sex within marriage) or away from purity, then you need to be equipped with a road-map and an understanding of the cost of the journey before you.

As Jesus says about the cost of discipleship, “For which of you, intending to build a tower, does not first sit down and estimate the cost, to see whether he has enough to complete it?” (Luke 14:28), the same is true about any goal for or journey towards living in God’s will. You don’t fall into purity; you need a plan, preparation, provision, and perspective to maintain it.

All of these things can be discerned by petitioning God daily in prayer.  This is where your road-map to purity and to your picture of perfect sex begins.

Plan—Once you have a goal or destination in mind, in this case, God-designed, magnificent sex with your husband in marriage, you need a plan of action for how to get there, a strategy. We each carry baggage from our past, we each have our own limitations, and we each nurture our own desires. God knows what these are for you and your fiancé, which is why it is crucial that you seek His expertise on creating a strategy for you. In addition to asking God to clarify where you are both coming from, ask Him to reveal to you where you are headed. Your best vision of your married sex life will pale in comparison with how God intends it, so let Him show you what you have to look forward to and why the struggle for purity along the way is more than worth it.  When God can help you understand where you are coming from and where you are headed to, then you will also be able to create wise boundaries and establish appropriate accountability (to be discussed in future posts).  Pray for these three pieces of wisdom so that you have a plan that is complete with beginning, middle, and end, so to speak.

Preparation—Being prepared means training yourself. It sounds odd to think of training yourself for purity, but what I mean is that discipline in one area of your life crosses over into discipline of all areas of your life. If you can learn how to flee from temptation or how to turn triggers into worship opportunities, no matter the context of your life, then you will be more prepared to manage feelings of seduction, passion, and invincibility.  Similarly, when you obey boundaries and utilize accountability for other challenges in your life, then you are already familiar with and trusting of those safeguards as they apply to your sex life.  As a bonus, the pursuit of sexual purity prior to marriage, meaning faithful celibacy and sexual integrity, actually serves as preparation for sexual purity in marriage, meaning sex and intimacy with your husband as God created it to be.  Pray that God would train you for godliness in all that you do so that you might be prepared to choose His way when you face temptation; ask Him to remind you of how His way has proven better than your own over the course of your life.

Provision—Maintaining purity cannot be done alone.  This might seem obvious since it actually involves another person, your fiancé, but it is more than that.  You will need people to serve as your accountability partners.  You will need people to serve as your moderators so that you and your fiancé can communicate about sexual purity without falling into temptation in the process.  You will need others to help you keep perspective when your vision starts to narrow.  And you will certainly need the Word of God as your daily breath.  Purity is not a matter of strong will; it’s a matter of surrendered will.  Pray daily that God would bring you the right people as accountability partners, moderators, and counselors, and that He would dress you in the full armor of Christ, would guide your time in His Word, and would equip you with the fruit of His Spirit. 

Perspective—If we could only see what God prevents and if we could only see the full impact of how he uses our lives, then I think we would be more joyful, grateful, and content in the midst of suffering and sacrifice.  In moments of sexual temptation, focus easily narrows to the physical responses to arousal.  The brain often fires off a myriad of thoughts that war between alerting us to danger and convincing us we are fine.  In this situation, we often lose.  This is why being equipped with a godly perspective is part of the provision that needs to be carried with you on your journey towards pure sex in marriage.  Fleeing temptation before it escalates to a battle against arousal will help you to keep your focus from narrowing.  Instead, you can evaluate triggers and situations with an eternal perspective, knowing that what you do now has eternal impact.  Meditate on Hebrews 12:1-3.  Pray that God would show you what it means to fix your eyes on Jesus and how much better it is to see through that lens.  Ask Him to help you understand the value of delayed gratification and to take joy in the sacrifices you make along the way for the sake of honoring God with your sexuality.

Prayer is the starting point.  It is the wise way that will help you bring glory to God in your pursuit of purity.

By Lindsay
  • There are currently 59 Comments.

  • The Sweet Christian Bride
    • Anonymous says:

      Great article! It contains good advice, Thanks!

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      […] that you have prayed for God to guide you in maintaining sexual purity, and now that you have established boundaries that keep you from activating your sexual triggers, […]

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