Regardless of where you are on the spectrum of sexual sin, you will enter into marriage with some sort of brokenness—sexual or other—that will find its way into the bedroom.

But here is the good news: You are made whole.

So how intimate can you be with your fiancé? First of all, let’s better articulate the question. How intimate can you be with your fiancé as you honor God? Not, how intimate can you be with your fiancé and not actually sin? There is a difference of intent in these questions.

Steering clear from the cousins of sex, where you draw the line between non-sexual intimacy and sexual intimacy will largely be a function of how you and your fiancé respond to stimuli. What might be romantic to one is arousing for the other.

Because you will be making choices along the way that will lead either towards purity (meaning faithful celibacy prior to marriage and God-designed sex within marriage) or away from purity, then you need to be equipped with a road map and an understanding of the cost of the journey before you.

As Jesus says about the cost of discipleship, “For which of you, intending to build a tower, does not first sit down and estimate the cost, to see whether he has enough to complete it?” (Luke 14:28), the same is true about any goal for or journey towards living in God’s will. You don’t fall into purity; you need a plan, preparation, provision, and perspective to maintain it.