The Sweet Christian Bride

The Honeymoon Lull

by admin on October 25, 2012 in Honeymoon with No Comments

Ahhh…the honeymoon.  What’s better than to sit on the beaches with your new husband, beginning a life together with him on a vacation that is far from the stresses of daily life?  And sex, yes, lots of sex.  How glorious and grand this getaway is!

The truth is, while the honeymoon really is a special and amazing time, it’s not always the perfect experience.  This might sounds strange, but sometimes a bride (or groom for that matter) can experience a bit of a downer on the honeymoon.  You know what?  That’s not unnormal.  People don’t talk about it much because it’s hard to wrap the mind around the concept that a honeymoon wouldn’t be blissful without that reflecting poorly on the marriage (that you just committed your life to).  But there are many legitimate reasons why imperfection might creep into the honeymoon, and none of them necessarily reflect on the marriage.

1) Fatigue.  Hopefully by the end of the honeymoon both bride and groom will feel renewed, but especially in the beginning days, it’s not uncommon for one or both to feel utterly fatigued.  Planning a wedding is exhausting and hosting a wedding is even more exhausting, so pile on top of that the regular job, relationship, and household responsibilities and this honeymoon might begin with an insurmountable need to sleep.  Without giving room for this, bride and groom will likely feel the tensions that come with tired, cranky people.

2) Boredom.  Hear me out on this one.  If your personality is one that can’t stop going, then my guess is your dating and engagement period was pretty full.  You probably had to fight for time to see each other, so dates weren’t usually lengthy affairs that were separated from the turning wheels in your mind.  All of a sudden, you find your to-do list cleared away with the intent to just “be” with your new husband, and you realize you don’t know how to do that.  You become restless.  Even though you love spending time with your husband, you aren’t yet comfortable enjoying him with an endless time frame, free from activities or agenda.  Eventually, you will learn how to “be” with your husband, but give yourself grace during this period of adjustment, especially if it is literally the first time you have experienced this slower pace since you started dating him.

3) Sex pressures.  It’s easy to believe that the honeymoon is all about sex, especially if you have been faithfully pure before marriage.  But sex is a highly physical act that can leave the body sore or tired.  And perhaps the discovery process of sex is a little less thrilling than you had hoped.  Or maybe it drudges up deep emotional issues that kill the mood and threaten the honeymoon bliss.  Let your sex life be what it is.  Know that it will continue to grow, flourish, and renew with every new day of your marriage.  Release the pressure to have sex multiple times each day of your honeymoon (or whatever you are expecting).  Be sure to communicate with your spouse what you are feeling, so you can tackle together any built-up pressure or unmet expectations about sex.  Otherwise, you can begin to resent sex because of the pressure it puts on you, and sex is one of the greatest gifts God has given a husband and wife.  This is one you want to get right, and that takes patience, humility, and honesty.

4) Travel differences.  Let’s face it.  We all have different travel styles.  For many brides and grooms, the honeymoon is their first trip away together.  Not all personalities are a perfect mesh when planning and details are involved.  That’s okay.  Over time, you will figure this out, but for now, this trip might be a little rough with butting heads or clashing priorities.  This is a perfect opportunity to prefer your spouse, and let your own will take second.  Again, over time, you will figure out how your differences in personalities and priorities will become an asset to each other.

5) Unexpected difficulties.  No one can control all the details.  Your honeymoon might be the one record-breaking heatwave of the summer or it might be in the swells of a hurricane.  Perhaps your hotel isn’t what you expected or your passport gets stolen.  Maybe something tragic is happening at home.  Things happen that can switch your perspective from joy to worry or frustration on a dime.  These difficulties can often add up to a bit of a heartache because the perfect honeymoon you envisioned was “ruined” by circumstances that were out of your control.  Try to find the silver lining, and always remember that you are with the love of your life.  No matter the circumstance, is there anyone else whom you would rather spend that time with?  You very well might have to grieve the loss of your anticipated honeymoon, and that would be healthy, but don’t throw the time away and count it as ruined.  It’s not; it’s just different from how you expected it.

6) Submersion into marriage.  Learning to live with someone takes a lot of time and grace.  While the honeymoon is out of daily marriage context, there is still an element of being thrust together with someone you aren’t used to living with.  No matter how much you might love or enjoy this person, it doesn’t mean this transition into marriage will be seamless.  Adjustments will have to be made, and if the honeymoon is your first time living with a roommate or letting someone deeply into your heart, then this might feel like too much at once.  If this is the case for you, talk to your husband about it and let him know what’s going on.  He can be a team with you in embracing this transition into marriage.

All that to say, the honeymoon won’t be perfect, but approaching it with this perspective can go along way toward letting it be spectacular—you won’t be caught off-guard when something unexpected or difficult happens but instead will be ready to tackle it together, as a team, like you are on a beautiful and significant adventure.  Indeed you are.

Photo @ haveseen

By Lindsay

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