The Sweet Christian Bride

Thought for the Week: Proverbs 21:19

by admin on August 19, 2012 in Relationship, Thought for the Week with No Comments

“Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife” (Proverbs 21:19).

I didn’t realize I was ill-tempered and quarrelsome until I got married.  I guess being a kid gives you license to whine and pout when you don’t get your way (sorry mom and dad).  And when you get older, you stick to friends who defer to the dynamic that you are comfortable with.  If they don’t, you don’t stay friends.  Even with roommates in college, it wasn’t too hard to create my space and their space.  If things weren’t going my way, I would just retreat into my space and let things work themselves out.

Maybe you can relate to some of that.  Or maybe you were more mature than I was growing up, in which case, thank you on behalf of everyone who interacted with you.  But somehow I thought that I should get my way.  It made sense to me.  I was thoughtful, intelligent, and ambitious, so I assumed my way was naturally the best way for me, and I pursued it until I got it.  I didn’t yell if I didn’t get my way and I didn’t get violent or megalomaniacal or anything, but I certainly practiced passive-aggression, I snapped, I said mean things, and I guilt-tripped.

Until I got married, I didn’t even know I did this.  Being married puts a mirror to your face like nothing else does.  Seeking your way in a marriage will always lead to quarreling or to co-dependence, which is poison to a marriage and to your husband.  We should be seeking our way, the best for the team, not the individual.  Planning a wedding is a pretty sobering mirror too.  It’s a good taste of how you and your fiancé will interact in your marriage when you are merging your goals and needs on a daily basis.  How much are you fighting for your way at the expense of your team?

Lord, forgive me for being so selfish.  I don’t like it when I don’t get my way, and I often take it out on someone else.  Give me a desire to seek the best for my fiancé and for my soon-to-be marriage.  And in this season of wedding planning, attune me to the desires and needs of others.  Give me grace in my actions and gentleness in my words.  I want to be a source of Your love and light to all whom are near.  In Jesus’ name, Amen.

By Lindsay

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