The Sweet Christian Bride

Visual Veto

by admin on October 4, 2012 in Communication, Spouse with No Comments

Men are visual creatures.  For better and for worse, what they see leaves a lasting impression on them.

Men are also opinionated, which can be an asset for their leadership.  Knowing what they want will allow them to lead more confidently and definitively.

But what happens when a man is thrust into the plans that his lady has been creating for years?  How does he mesh together what he wants with what she wants when she already has her plans established?

This is where you come in and save the day.

Many men have very strong ideas about their weddings but don’t know it until they see it.  If you ask him what color linens he wants on the table, he will probably roll his eyes and gasp in exasperation.  But when he sees a picture of the table with the linens accenting the serving-ware, he can probably give you a “yay” or a “nay.”

You can ask him which hairdresser and make-up artist to use, and he won’t have a clue.  But if you come out of your trial-run looking like someone other than the woman he fell in love with, he will definitely be able to veto that hairdresser.

You might need to initiate the communication about what he wants by asking him what he pictures when he sees his bride come down the aisle (Veil? No veil? Outdoors? Indoors? Music? Many guests? Few guests?).  From this question alone, you will be able to discern many of his latent desires.

Also, think of the aspects you know are important to him in everyday life. For Chris, those would be food, timing, and temperature.  Indeed he did end up having strong opinions about what meal we would serve, what time of day the wedding would be, and given the season, whether it was indoors or outdoors.

Initially, Chris had told me that whatever I wanted was what we could do.  Since I had more free time, I ended up doing a bulk of the research for vendors and locations.  I started telling him what I wanted based on the research I had done, and we soon found by the number of his vetoes that he had many hidden opinions.

After a comedy of errors in trying to create a researching and planning process that suited both of our thinking styles, we finally figured out that my job was to present options that I liked and his was to veto those he didn’t like.

Chris would draw a blank if he had to come up with a wedding idea, whereas I could easily suggest a million and had the time to research.  Once he was presented with an option, however, he knew precisely whether it was good or bad, whereas I oscillated for too long between decisions.  Once we realized that his wedding desires were most easily expressed through veto, he and I had an easier time of coordinating our ideas and hearing each other’s opinions.  Consequently, we ended up planning our wedding as a team.

Whatever your communication style, you and your fiancé have the opportunity to practice complementing each other’s.  Your fiancé might already know exactly what he wants, but if he doesn’t, try presenting visual options to him.  Make an effort to plan with him rather than for him.  Not only will this point you towards oneness in the wedding-planning process, but it will also help equip you to be a team who communicates well in your marriage.

Article originally posted on December 8, 2010

By Lindsay

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